Genres

Visitors Review

edward sanguinetti 2012-05-25 05:25:59

Delirium can have qualities

If delirium can have qualities, this movie sure has. What should beappreciated here is the integrity that lies in every minute, in everysingle shot. There is some philosophical deepness in it, the idiotmachine characters playing a script from which they cannot escape. Thiskind of situation usually makes viewers laugh, as a reaction to theinevitableness of stupidity in life, where intelligence plays no role.The plot may seem crazy and twisted: it is not; every minute builds thenext one, in a crescendo which is sustained till the end. Add that itis shot nicely, characters are perfectly chosen for the job, thescenery, should say the furniture has a warm touch, blood floodsfreely. What more can you ask from a horror comedy?

2012-05-24 18:29:27

I really wanted to like this+

I read the reviews of this movie, and as a big fan of British comedy, I thought I was going to really like it. I added it to my Netflicks list and just gott it last week. All I can say is that I'm really glad I only rented it.It started out great! David and Peter kind-a reminded me of Del Boy and Rodney from Only Fools and Horses. Then, their kidnap victom came on came on the scene. Long story short, the profanity just got too much, and I simply couldn't finish watching this. I made it to the point where Tracy and Peter found the trapdoor, and that was all I could handle. I really wanted to like this, but its going back to Netflicks tomorrow. If the language doesn't bother you, though, I'm sure you'll enjoy this.

2012-05-14 09:50:44

A Surprisingly Twisted Show.

This review is from: The Cottage (Unrated) (DVD) I stumbled upon this movie on a cable channel one night and found it to be quite funny and dark all at the same time. No one does it like the Brits...

lastliberal 2012-05-13 21:27:52

Why are there hands in the freezer?

The combination of Andy Serkis (Lord of the Rings) as David, and ReeceShearsmith (Shaun of the Dead) as his partner, Peter, may not be asfunny as the combination of Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson, but itwas funny enough.They kidnap Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) and hide out in a cottage. Andrew(Steven O'Donnell), the doofus stepbrother of the hostage, is in on it.The father sends two Chinese gentleman after him when he delivers "theransom." Things go horribly wrong, as expected, and they end up inanother cottage. Things start to get bloody real quickly with theBritish version of Leatherface.A dark comedy that will certainly please those that like comedy andblood.

2012-05-09 20:01:18

Better than I thought it would be!!!!!

This is a true dark comedy, Two brothers who didnt really do a good job planning out a abduction for ransom, and encounter somethin they really were'nt ready for. Funny movie, Im glad I bought it. It was a random purchase, good acting and somehow believeable.

Leafeater 2012-05-09 04:15:41

Complete waste of time

I cannot forgive myself for watching this piece of garbage until theend.I only watched it because of Andy Serkis and hoped the story wouldstill get better at any point in time, but now I am completelydisappointed. I hope for Andy Serkis' sanity's sake, that he did notknow what the movie would be like when he agreed to star in it.Although the story starts quite funny and entertaining, it soon startsto become senseless, implausible, cheap and disgusting. Towards the endit only gets worse until a really cheap, disappointing end.This movie is by the brain-dead for the brain-dead. If you like thismovie, you should seriously think about getting professional help.

orbthesela 2012-05-07 14:02:23

Funny and gory

I wasn't expecting much from this film from reviews I had heard, but Iwas pleasantly surprised when I enjoyed the film immensely. From thestart I was hooked on the relationship between brothers Peter (ReeceShearsmith - league of gentlemen) and David (Andy Serkis - gollum.)With a good supporting cast of Andrew (Steve O'Donnell - Spudgun fromBottom) and Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), the film puts a new take onblack comedy.It is in a different vein to the likes of Shaun of the Dead, Severanceand Black Sheep, but not without it's merit. I found the story asinteresting as the colourful characters and there were several momentsI found myself hiding between the gaps of my fingers.Horror fans will enjoy some especially gory bits and a cameo fromHellraiser favourite, Doug Bradley.I recommend you give the film a go, it might not be to everyone'spersonal taste, but I think most will at least enjoy watching it.

Jean Stark 2012-05-07 10:37:46

The Cottage - 5/10 horror 9/10 comedy

If you are expecting horror, you will be disappointed. It is a littlelike Severance, it is a comedy based in a horror story. It has somegory moments, but like all horror comedies, cannot be a proper horroras it is does not try to make you scared.Fortunately, the script is excellent,very funny, and the actors,(particularly Andy Serkis) are brilliant and that makes The Cottage avery entertaining movie.I did see a magazine advertisement for this "Starring Doug Bradley".This is a bit misleading, as his is only a very small cameo role. But,this is not important, because the movie is great.I liked this more than Severence and Shaun of the Dead, and that is abig complement as I bought those also. 9/10.

2012-05-04 17:14:06

High Wattage Cottage!

The Cottage (2008) This comedic horror flick has a couple of Brit brothers named David (Andy Serkis-Gollum himself!) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith-Shaun of the Dead) who have the bright idea of kidnapping a local London gangster's daughter named Tracey (Jennifer Ellison-Phantom of the Opera '04). Things quickly go awry when they take her to a tiny cottage out in the boonies, mostly due to Peter, a spectacularly inept kidnapper. Eventually Tracey escapes with Peter as her prisoner, leaving David and another accomplice to pursue them into the countryside. Unfortunately they end up on a farm owned by a psychotic disfigured local serial killer and they all really start having a lousy evening. Throw in some slapstick, a couple of Asian hitmen, a few off kilter villagers, some sharp implements and some very graphic violence and you end up with this movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Mixing humor and horror can be tricky, but this movie manages it deftly, keeping the situations serious but letting the characters be funny. The whole cast is solid, but Serkis is really good, keeping his exasperation on a solid boil at all the really dim people around him. The makeup effects are top notch and the whole shebang is well orchestrated by director Paul Andrew Williams (London to Brighton). Check this one out, and look fast for a cameo from Doug Bradley (Pinhead himself!)

Alexx Sherman 2012-05-04 04:35:33

Amazingly funny...Serkis at his best!

Having watched the cast and crew screening back in London turned out tobe absolutely amazing, the film is well written with real thoughtbehind the characters, the relationship between Serkis and Sheersmithwas believable and and realistic. Now having seen it in distributionmade this experience worth while again. Serkis delivering the goodswith Reece being the funniest by far. Although the film had a smallbudget it still had a greater feel not blockbuster or anything out ofHollywood, just real British beef.This being Paul Andrew Williams second feature length, i can see himgoing far and high! Thanks for inviting me to the screening in LondonPaul!

raypdaley182 2012-04-29 11:32:40

Truly awful

It was pretty clear from the start of this which direction the makersof this film were going to take. Especially once we were introduced toJennifer Ellison. Yes, she's a pretty blond with a nice rack but talkabout over concentrating on 1 thing. Cleavage, cleavage & morecleavage. I guess Jen must have agreed to to everything they were doingto try and get her foot in the door of movies but doing that kind ofthing is only going to get her very typecast.Andy Serkis (Dog Soldiers, Lord Of The Rings) plays his role wellenough, Reece Sheersmith (The League Of Gentlemen) plays the more timidand bumbling criminal OK too, he's almost in his Ollie Plimsollscharacter doing this role.Basically this is 3 guys who kidnap a girl and get paid in tissuepaper, the guy delivering the money is followed by Asian Hit men andtheir all screwed. Not as screwed as when the girl escapes taking 1kidnapper at knife-point and they find a cottage inhabited by amurderous flesh eating farmer.And that's all the review this awful film is getting. It's just notvery good at all, the plot (what there is of it) is very thin on theground, the gore isn't very good at all and the pacing of the film isjust way too slow in all the wrong places.Oh, and the "ending" after the credits is so bad as to be unreal. Iwouldn't recommend this film even if you paid me money.

2012-04-28 22:10:12

bloody brilliant, you c^&ts!!!! (4.5 stars)

quite honestly, the best $.98 cents i have spent in ages. the first half of the movie concentrates on the fumbled (and extremely hilarious) kidnapping of a strip club owner's daughter by a pair of brothers and the buxom blond's brother. the daughter turns the tables on the kidnappers and actually ends up beating the snot (mentally and physically) out of them. one thing leads to another and the blond ends up escaping with the stupider of the two brothers in tow, soon stumbling on to a run down farm house. this movie morphs perfectly from bumbling black comedy to slasher flick with fantastic, jaw dropping gore, tons of laughs and a decent amount of twists and turns. i highly recommend adding this to your collection.

2012-04-26 03:28:55

A Solid British Horror Comedy

This Brittish horror comedy starts out as a botched kidnapping for the first half of the film. It starts with two brothers(David and Peter) kidnapping the daughter of a gangster and taking her to a cabin out in the woods. They ask for a ransom of 100 thousand which is brought to them by the girl's stepbrother(Andrew) who is also in on the kidnapping. However he failed to check the case the money was supposed to be in and realizes it was empty after reaching the cabin. Meanwhile the gangster was aware of the stepbrothers involvement and sends two asian hitmen after them. The first half of the film plays out more like a black comedy and a thriller. Peter is shown to be incompetent in his task and ends up getting his nose broken by the girl using a headbutt on him while being tied up. Peter also has a severe case of moth phobia shown through several humorous scenes of him freaking out in the presence of a moth. The stepbrother Andrew is shown to be a complete moron by not checking the suitcase for money and also buying himself a facemask that doesn't even cover his face. David drives over to a nearby town to call the gangster and demand his money. While he is in town the first signs of a horror film start to show. The townsfolk act strangely around him and warn him about what happens to strangers in the area. David returns to the cabin to find only Andrew fainted with Peter and the girl gone. At this point it would look like the two hitmen were responsible but are later shown to be only a red-herring as a body with a slit-throat of one of them is found. David and Andrew and Peter and the girl each encounter the real killer of the film, a deformed backwoods farmer that stalks them for the rest of the film. The plot twist in the middle of this film can be compared to "From Dusk Till Dawn" with a hostage thriller quickly turning to a vampire film except in this it quickly turns into a hillibilly slasher type film. While this no "Dead Alive" as far as blood and gore there are some good bloody kills in the movie and the gore level rises a lot in the second half. A difference this film has from other backwoods slasher films like "Wrong Turn" and "The Hills Have Eyes" is that the killer didn't become the way he is from inbreeding or radiation like in the other films. The Farmer was deformed in a machine accident that ended up disfiguring his face.The idea of a a backwoodsman going on a killing spree isn't exactly otiginal but this movie is different enough from the usual to not make it tired or cliche. Overall this is a fun and entertaining horror comedy film that is recommended for fans of horror comedies, British horror, or horror films in general.

DoktorRobster 2012-04-25 18:08:54

The Rottage

Director Paul Andrew Williams brings us he's newest offering after thegritty 'London to Brighton' its a low budget (according to the listingshere its a Comedy, crime, horror.... so no mixed messages there then. Andrew Skies, (strombreaker, flushed away, lord of the rings & kingKong) and Reece Shearsmith (league of gentleman) star as two haplessbrothers in this well I guess you could call it a film. Peter,(shearsmith) is the whimpish, moth phobic brother of David (Skikes) aplastic gangster with a dream of running away from it all on a boat.the pair kidnap the step daughter of strip club owning bad ass (andvery much not-plastic gangster) Annie. the problem is that Tracy(played by Jennifer Ellison; The Liverpool nativity) turns out to be afoul mouthed, head butting scours B*th from hell. add to the mix thather treacherous step brother is involved, and that Arnie has sent inthe goons in the form of two Asian assassins with a stereotypicalfetish for knives, and you have the makings of a awesome Brit crimecaper like Lock Stock'...right?Wrong.Oh well, that's okay, because did I mention that there's a scaredmaniac farmer who delights in decapitating strangers... ah, see now wehave the makings of a grate twist mid way horror, like dog soldiersright?.....No.The film is, poor to say the best. the cast do there best with thematerial that they have but they don't manage to make there charactersstand out. The effects are gory, and seem to be from the Freddy Krugerschool of showman ship. and one very telling thing about the script...there's only one good line, and that was more down to Skies deliverythan anything else. oh and if you haven't lost the will to live stick around after thecredits for a ending after the ending.there's one good joke though but that was in the last 30 seconds of thefilm.

2012-04-21 23:57:03

Like Comedy? Like Horror? You'll love this!

This review is from: The Cottage (DVD) If you liked Shaun of the Dead and are looking for other films with the same mix of horror and comedy you'll love the Cottage. This has a bit more blood, but not a slasher flick. One look at the preview and you'll be hooked!Enjoy!

kevin_crighton 2012-04-21 02:39:32

A tale of mixed halves....

The Cottage tells the story of two brothers, (Andy Serkis & ReeceShearsmith), who have kidnapped the step-daughter (Jennifer Ellison) ofa gangster. Taking her to a cottage in the woods they wait for theransom. But what they find out there is something worse than the wrathof a gangster...The Cottage is a horror/comedy written and directed by Paul AndrewWilliams. He's tried to make a movie that turns into somethingdifferent around half-way through. It's a pity that it doesn't work.The first half of the movie at the Cottage isn't bad, and has some nicehumour in it, for example the nerdier brother (Shearsmith) trying to betough is quite amusing.As a fan of horror movies however, I actually was a bit disappointedwhen the horror and gore side kicked in. Not that the gore and bloodyviolence isn't convincing, but that for me part of the problem was thatas none of the characters were that likable to begin with, you don'treally care about what happens to them.This is a pity. Williams directs his own script well, staging theviolence well, but it's his own writing that lets it down. Horror/Comedy movies are hard to pull off. Evil Dead 2 works. Shaun OfThe Dead works. An American Werewolf In London works. Dog Soldiersworks(I do find it very funny).Sadly though, The Cottage doesn't.

Claudio Carvalho 2012-04-21 01:42:54

The Leatherface Farmer

When David (Andy Serkis) and his clumsy brother Peter (ReeceShearsmith) kidnap the daughter of a powerful gangster, they bringTracey (Jennifer Ellison) to a cottage in the countryside in the trunkof their car. Peter calls Tracey's father and asks a ransom of onehundred thousand pound to be delivered to her step-brother Andrew(Steve O'Donnell). When the bag is delivered to the moron Andrew, hedoes not check the content and is followed to the remote location bytwo Chinese hit-men hired by Tracey's father. When the abductorsdiscover that the bag has only paper, David drives to a nearby villageto make a phone call to demand the money. When he returns, he findsAndrew fainted and later that Tracey had reverted the situation andescaped with his brother as hostage. Meanwhile an insane and deformedfarmer has just killed the killers and Tracey and Peter are heading tohis farmer seeking a phone to call her father. I had a great expectation with "The Cottage" but I found itdisappointing. The black-humor never works except in the two very lastscenes (in the end of the credits there is a last one). The charactersPeter and Andrew are stupid and annoying and the psychopathserial-killer is a rip-off of Leatherface. In the end I found thismovie only reasonable and my vote is six.Title (Brazil): "Cabana Macabra" ("Macabre Cottage")

Prolox 2012-04-20 20:56:24

This Cottage is worth a visit.

Two feuding brothers (one smart, the other really stupid & cowardly) &their friend, get more than they bargained for when their kidnappedvictim gets loose & turns the tables on them (she was abducted so herwealthy dad would give them lots of cash, the usual) they get rippedoff & the neighbor, a hideously deformed HILLS HAVE EYES refugeefarmer, starts doing them all in with an ax or whatever he can find ingrisly ghoulish fashion, soon the money becomes less important & theneed survival sinks in as they attempt to escape becoming dog meat.When THE COTTAGE first starts, it's a kidnapping thriller mixed withelements of a comedy, about 50 minutes in however the film switchesgears by becoming a straight forward comedy/horror flick that managesto evoke not only laughs, but hoots, hollers & cringing, over the filmsoutrageous & ghastly bloody kills! The acting works, each actor is verytalented & makes his/her character believable. The special effects aredisgusting & the direction is well timed & executed. The film onlyfalters in scenes that could have been really terrifying & suspensefulbut instead tries to make you laugh dampening the fun. All in all thisfilm is worth a look for non demanding horror fans, if you can sitthrough the first non scary 50 minutes of the movie, then you shouldenjoy all the gory carnage that follows, not the best horror film outthere, but it's fun all the same. DOUG BRADLEY of HELLRAISER famedespite being top billed on IMDb cast list only has a two minute cameoas one of the towns folk.*** stars

Prof-Hieronymos-Grost 2012-04-19 21:06:05

Delightful horror comedy with a few twists

Small time criminal David and his timid brother Peter, kidnap thefeisty daughter of a crime boss with the assistance of her halfwit halfbrother, Andrew. They take her to a remote country house and wait forthe ransom to arrive courtesy of their inside man. Their bumblingefforts are foiled though, as a series of blunders sees theirwhereabouts become known to the crime boss, who duly dispatches someruthless Chinese triads to their hidden location. The whole premise ofThe Cottage is very quickly seen to be nothing more than a macguffin,its delightful set up is soon overtaken by some brutal bloodletting andsome brutally comedic scenes. Very soon all sides in the conflict haveto join forces to survive the local horrors. British horror has alwaysbeen my favourite and this is full of the British quirkiness i like,sure it gets its ideas from other films, but this is still a lot offun. Andy Serkis in particular is on great form.

Boloxxxi 2012-04-19 14:09:41

Can't get good help these days.

Mildly amusing movie about a kidnapping venture that begins to unraveldue to the incompetence of the kidnappers and the unexpectedaggressiveness of their victim. Instigating and involved in thiskidnapping are 2 brothers that somewhat reminds me of "Oscar" and"Felix" of the Odd Couple and a pudgy guy that can't seem to make amove without f*cking things up. Between him and the younger brother("Felix" I'm calling him) they remind me of Dumb and Dumber.The movie takes an unexpected turn as it goes along. I won't expand soas not to spoil it for you should you decide to see it. Viewing thisfilm you cannot help but think that it had the potential to be funnier,but then again, it could have been worse. Glass half full, or halfempty? You decide. There's a bit of gore (not much), but funny gore.And a little "language" (again, not much).Speaking of language, I learned something interesting from this film.In America when you're a wimp you're called a "p*ssy". Apparently inEngland you're called a "c*nt". I could not help but think that if Iwere a wimp (And I most certainly am not!) I would rather mypersecutors stick with the American standard. Love, Boloxxxi.