Genres

Visitors Review

2012-05-23 03:45:27

The hardest you will ever laugh

My friends and I are very "into" medieval stories and movies. I must say, we have never laughed as loud as when we watched this movie together. I don't know how anyone making this movie could not know how bad of a job they were doing; we could have made a better movie when we were in high school. Grey sweaters for chain mail, plastic swords, graphics comparable to 70's lightsabers, people from that era saying "for a sec" and "shut up," oh, and a yellow midget man with an electronically modified voice and three fingers blowing kisses at girls and saying "circle of life." If you watch this with friends, get ready to laugh. And bring Kleenex, because you'll laugh so hard you'll cry :)

2012-05-22 21:08:17

maggie review

This review is from: Journey to Promethea (DVD) I thought that it could have been a little more fighting and a litte longer than it was. I love the stars of the movie because they were good.

2012-05-21 17:49:11

I've lost my movie picking privileges.......

I feel that I must warn others before they too lose their movie picking privileges! The only saving grace was that I had a free redbox code for this rental but it has still cost me dearly......did I mention my husband will not longer allow me to go by myself and rent movies? ok so here it goes......it's like they got a bunch of renaissance nerds to volunteer to play in the movie. NONE of the costumes made sense. They even had the cups that dangle off your ren costumes in the movie. We were MST3000 this throughout the whole movie. The cover is AWESOME compare to the actual movie. Billy is NEVER like how he is shown on the cover of the DVD..sadly Billy had the best acting as he sat in a chair hiding half his face behind his sad wig...like he couldn't face the fact he had stooped this low....I won't even get into the story line because there isn't one! I rated this 5 stars so when people look for reviews I will be only 1 of 2 who gave this a 5 star rating (the other one was only into the half dressed women in the movie)so I know you will want to read what a 5 star rating for this movie is about! It is a ploy to get you to read this review so you do not suffer the same fate as me....save yourself.....

2012-05-21 13:15:12

Still processing this....

Wow, this is really a bad movie. The costumes are too pressed, clean and bright to be realistic. The acting is REALLY BAD and overly dramatic in an unbelieveable way. I was not sure if it was a comedy or a spoof.. I'm still processing it, trying to figure out what the intent of the movie was. One scene was used for an early part then used again for a scene that takes place 8 years later. This ranks as one of the worst movies I have ever seen. But HEY!, we all like different things. Perhaps wait to see what others think of it.

intelearts 2012-05-11 21:20:29

My 343rd Review: Way Beyond Renaissance Fair Bad.....

Hear ye, hear ye.....if you think that this kind of language isimpossibly exciting then you will probably tolerate JTP.....butseriously....Every single cliché ever is trumped by some of the worst filminglighting and sound, if you were to gave a bunch of renaissance fairgeeks some high quality cameras and a wardrobe budget that would be(verily) a massive improvement. The acting would grace any high school stage - and in fact the wholeexercise looks like it was cooked up by a high school drama team.The only magic here is the amazing trick that someone pulled in gettingthis greenlighted - promote that person I say - they managed to turn apile of manure into well, more manure, while still making gold fromdross for themselves - now that's magic.If you love anything with magic, knights, and princesses, then don't,just don't, seriously, there is nothing remotely magic about this andyou will watch and then go off and burn your costumes in shame.Definitely only for the fanboys.....and then probably not even them....

Solomon Terra 2012-05-11 03:53:28

Billy Zane didn't even want mid-level billing on this, apparently - with good reason.

I'm too tormented by visions of gray knit "chain mail" armor & theawesomely enormous budget my nephew's 3rd grade spring play hadcompared to the apparent budget of this flick. I think the best,clearest indicator of the caliber of this movie is in the list of caston the front of IMDb's page for this movie. Billy Zane is featuredprominently on the cover of the movie, but appears nowhere on theprimary cast listing. The first mention you see of his name on the IMDbsite itself is in the review appearing on the primary page. He may ormay not be listed in the extended cast listing you can reach byclicking "full cast & crew", but I don't want to know.Just... don't. Really. You won't regret it. The other reviews are notlying. Unless you're feeling really lackadaisical and not too concernedwith enjoying the experience, in which case, go for it. :-)

2012-05-10 19:57:08

what

I try to be as fair in my reviews as I can. I try to look for something good in a bad product. But I simply cannot do so for this. I got this movie from a Redbox, but goodness, it was so bad that even though it was just a dollar, I feel completely ripped off. The dialog... wow, bad writing. The acting - jeez, these guys were OBVIOUSLY amateurs - and not even good ones. The costumes looked fake, and I barely paid attention after like, 15 min and opened my laptop because I just could not give this atrocity my full focus. I'm also really surprised that Billy Zane agreed to be in this. He was in some great movies like Titanic or the Mummy, so I have no idea what would make him want to do something like this. Maybe he wanted a big role or whatever.

harris3810-1 2012-05-10 06:07:41

New Lease on Life

My 12-year-old nephew chose this film off our NetFlix suggestions list.I find this suggestion extremely frightening because it proves theInternets, or NetFlix at least, are now self-aware and have the abilityto read not only into your mind, but your soul. In the opening scene ofthe film I was skeptical; were these 'medieval' costumes so cleanbecause they were rented and needed to be returned later thatafternoon? were there actually three Snow White figures in each town?is chrome armor so effective you don't need pants? do six soldiers makean army?As the piece continued, however, my disbelief lifted like a fog and Ibegan to really get a feel for the characters. There was a woodlandhunter, so human, so fallible, who did not realize he could not killanything with his crossbow because there was no point on the arrow.This touch of subtlety in the creation of this work of art indicates amaster's hand. The 'hero' character, young, naive, beautiful, woreknee-high boots with tassels that were as new to walking as he was tobattle in a stunning display of symbolism. The greenish-yellow trollthing spoke with an electronically-altered voice rendering itcompletely impossible to understand and his floppy rubber hands warnedme: DO NOT TRUST THIS TROLL. (I did not.) In London I saw Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart perform SamuelBeckett's "Waiting for Godot," but never before have I been blown awayby a performance than last night when I saw Billy Zane's interpretationof the King (I forgot the king's name). His mannerisms: pure royalty.His face: a mirror into my own decadence. His hair: well, I think itwas a wig. It would be criminal for me with my rustic intellect to evenattempt a worthy critique. Like a sunrise after a storm or the birth ofan angel, you must see it to fully understand its beauty and its effecton the human spirit. Many of you can appreciate a spectacular smile on a young woman, andboy does this film deliver. The filmmakers were well aware of thelittle-known tactic 'Amazon' warriors used with great effect: distractyour enemy with the nearly-exposed female form. The grace and fluidityin movement of these lady-soldiers complement their skill as orators.When a supple young bodyguard tightens her delectable abdomen and drawsa deep breath before pledging her very life to protect the princess,you find yourself hoping the situation never calls for blood, becauseshe. is. serious. SPOILER: She lives like 2 more minutes. I realize this review must gloss over much of the film, but the onescene that cannot be overlooked, the culmination of hours, maybe daysof writing, setting up, filming, is the final epic battle between goodand evil. The King's general, Fat Round-Faced Bald Man with No Pants,finally confronts our hero and his sexy entourage. With an army of atleast 6 men, No Pants Man boldly dispatches everyone in his way, evenour hero's beloved mentor who was supposed to be an awesome warrior.Fortunately, our hero is reminded through (rather ill-timed) flashbackto "Remember his Destiny!" and soundly defeats No Pants Man by knockingtobacco juice out of his mouth. Our hero and his semi-buff, shirtlessbrother, accompanied by super-hot princess run to thrust the glowingsword into a pile of cardboard. I am not sure why the film crew chosecardboard, but it worked. Miles away, Billy Zane burst into flames(much like my eyes had done during his performance) and that was prettymuch it. All the 'townsfolk' in their very clean costumes walkedtowards their dazzling castle, painted on the sky in the far distance. In conclusion, this film, this commentary on the human condition, hasstarted me on a new path. I no longer overlook starving homelesspeople. Now I look on with pity. I pick litter up off the street (aslong as there is a trash can nearby). Please, take 84 minutes to watchthis film and let's make the world a better place. One Star for onlybeing 84 minutes long.

JohnC09 2012-05-09 08:25:15

"Troll 2" at the Renaissance Fair

When one chooses to watch "Journey to Promethea," with a posterfeaturing a sword-wielding, 45-year-old Billy Zane surrounded by hotbabes and sweaty beefcakes, one should already be able to tell what heor she is getting into. There is nothing to suggest the presence of awell-crafted story, or decent acting, or interesting effects, or anylevel of professional film-making. All one should expect is asword-wielding Billy Zane. And you're not going to get it! No, he neverwields a sword, or even leaves his chair. But he does inexplicably -and literally - vanish into thin air at the end.A generation that hails "Troll 2" as a cult favorite for unintentionalhilarity shouldn't pass up a movie like this. You like bad acting? It'sthere. Massive plot holes? Check. Bizarre, unexplainable behavior bycharacters who appear and die off for seemingly no reason? Of course!If it amuses you to see just how amateurish, rushed, and entirelyunnecessary a $2,000,000 movie can be, and if you can find a way towatch it entirely for free, then "Journey to Promethea" is worth yourtime.

jasonryan1991 2012-05-08 21:01:29

worst movie of the year

i can't believe that someone took the time to invest money into thishorrible storyline. The customs used looked as if they were purchasedfrom the Walmart Halloween section, and the makeup from a junior highschool drama room. The studio should be forced to reimburse anyone whowas fooled into renting this piece of trash. The actors are juvenile intheir attempt to acting, the action scenes pitiful. They can't evenmake the blood look real. This is the lowest of acting from a usuallygood actor Billy Zane He certainly reached a low point in his careerwith this flick. Don't bother renting or taking the time to evenconsider it.

2012-05-03 02:25:21

Don't, Don't, Don't watch this movie!

Unless you are so bored, and have watched every other movie on theplanet! I swear the budget had to be around $2,000. The music, costumesand acting were just SO awful. I simply cannot believe Billy Zane wouldagree to do this movie! Maybe his mortgage is going head up... Don'twaste your time, go see something else! Voice effects wereinconsistent, face makeup was so clearly done by a total amateur, andthe plot was very far-fetched. I could not believe how awful andunoriginal the music score was. I am, however, happy that the dreams ofsome actors were achieved. It looked to me like writer, director &producer Dan Garcia had been involved with some other actual goodmovies. What made him sink so low?

2012-05-02 16:34:23

Do Not Watch This Movie...

This is by far one of the worst films I have ever seen. Don't be fooled by the gaudy, ostentasious cover showcasing a movie of "seemingly" epic proportions. The only epic feature in this movie is the severe amount of poor acting, horrid screenplay, terrible costume-designs, and thrifty background sets. I've seen High School stageplays with more authenticity, quality, professionalism and character depth than this atrocious film. Billy Zane, the award winning actor who should've been the ice-breaker for this film had a trivial three minutes of collective acting in this movie; pretty pathetic considering he is the only real actor in this movie. As the Tyrannical King in this film Billy Zane's character had absolutely no depth, throughout the entire film he literally sat in a chair the entire movie and rambled maybe thirty seconds of dialogue. There is no reason why anyone would want to watch this movie. This movie is a definite, Do Not See.

2012-05-01 17:27:53

Save your money

The cover of this DVD made me think this would be a good action/fantasy movie. Wrong!! A third of the way through the movie I started laughing to myself. I began skipping my way through it to get it over with. Maybe I skipped the better parts, I don't know. The costumes looked like a school play and the wig on the princess was awful. Not to mention some of the actors were really bad at faking the english accent they used. And I've never seen a brighter yellow than the color of the little umpa lumpa/yoda wanna be with big sponge fingers. I wasted a perfectly good free redbox movie on this.

2012-04-30 23:13:27

Journey to direct to video

So bad's it's funny... If you enjoy poorly produced movies for their comic value, than this is your movie. Interesting and unexplained creatures, paper thin plot, attractive women, and well that's it... Recommended if your stuck at the airport or commuting....

nurse545 2012-04-24 00:47:58

Watch for laughs only

Okay Redbox needs to remove this out of their machines. We should getpaid to watch, not pay to watch. I've seen decent B movies but thisdoesn't even qualify as a Z!!!! The costumes on the Simarians were soclean and bright and new, I was looking for the price tags! The chromesoldier helmets and breast shields looked like they had just beenpolished and buffed. I had a hard time finding any sadness for the goodpeople who were killed. Also the King's harem and the princess' femaleguards looked like soft porn stars and their acting wasn't anything towrite home about. I was surprised that our characters just kept leavingfires unattended, Smokey the Bear couldn't keep up. The plot line wasbarely there. I guess if you are the writer/director/producer you don;thave enough time to develop the story and deal with all the details.The cover and the poster are better than the entire movie. The synopsison the cover was better written and more entertaining than the wholemovie. It was bad enough the 83 minutes the movie took but the creditswere long and went at a snail's pace to prolong the agony. The princesshad very little affect to her face, she looked bored with the wholeproduction.

2012-04-23 13:24:17

DR. WHO DOES MIDDLE EARTH

There are positives in this movie. The scenery at times is good. The women are all pretty, and for the most part show a lot of leg. The story is based on the classic cosmic myth that is the basis for many religions. There is an evil king (Orion) who is counseled by wise men (belt of Orion) about a child who will usurp the king (coma).The king has a slaughter of the innocents (Eridanus @ Rigel) and there is a maiden (Virgo). Add to that the legend of Excalibur and I think you get the general plot of the story. The script is bad. The acting is bad. The costumes are very bad. The armor worn by the knights does not cover their arms and legs. The knights who wear the armor walk around all the time with their helmet visors down. The movie made use of eerie "special effect" contact lenses, voice enhancers and cheap rubber masks. The guy who is the "chosen one" is supposed to lead the battle against the king, but he can't fight a lick. He takes fighting lessons during a music montage that includes a belly dancer. His brother who is a fighter is in prison. What was the midget in the costume with three fingers supposed to be?The cover on the DVD looks like this would be a great epic action adventure such as Conan. Don't be fooled. This would make for a great MST movie. You might want to watch it stoned and have a good laugh. Talking and cell phones are permitted during the movie.

carmi47-1 2012-04-23 13:29:35

A Class-A Stinker for All Time

This alleged film is nothing less than a crime against humanity, aninsult to the collective intelligence of the human race. At least I wasable to watch it at no cost, as it's presently on the free moviesfeature from Comcast, at least in my city.In an attempt to explain why this atrocity was ever put on film, I canonly offer a few suggestions: 1) The supposed studio behind the filmneeded a tax deduction and made a film that was sure to lose them abundle. That at least would explain the absurd claim of a $2 millionbudget. 2) Billy Zane needed some quick scratch to pay a traffic fine.3) Billy Zane's career has tanked. 4) Billy Zane really ticked offsomebody in Hollywood and this is the only work he can get nowadays. 4)Somebody had to grind out a film to graduate from a course at one ofthose basement tech schools.This film features absurdly crisp, shiny new costumes on people whohave supposedly been trekking through the woods nonstop for decades,never allowed to stop walking. If you look carefully at the endcredits, you will see that most of the evil king's guards keep theirhelmets on b/c they play other roles, so we mustn't see their faces.Note too that about 90% of this nonsense was shot outdoors (otherwiseknown as free scenery). I thought the only convincing performance inthe film was a blind fortuneteller, who mercifully won't suffer seriousprofessional damage as she's on screen for all of 3 minutes.You might also note that the cast of another recent Zane epic,"Darfur,"overlaps considerably with that of "Promethea." I have not seen Darfurand as of right now, have no intention of doing so. Neither should you.For the first time, Plan 9 from Outer Space has a serious rival for thedistinction of Worst Film Ever Made.

NewEnglandCamper-945-454545 2012-04-23 05:06:43

So bad its good

I knew something was up when the movie started and the cast looked likethey escaped from the King Richard's fair. All the costumes lookedbrand news too bright. Walmart Halloween clearance rack?? The only onesbenefitting was the soldiers in the tacky helmets. They don't have toshow their face in this movie. What was going on with the filming? It was shaky in some areas. I thinkmy son could do better with our home camcorder. Overall, I agree with the last reviewer... watch it with goodfriends... its so bad that its good to make fun of! Tacky costumes(what's with the cape and tights?) and with the comically seductive butmindless women? Oh well, I only paid $1 for it at Redbox. LOL!

ichirou1989 2012-04-17 06:46:16

One dollar to much

I just finish watching this awful awful movie, and I must say, I wantthe hour and a half of my life back. I have seen some awful movies inmy life time but this takes the cake, I personally saw this moviebecause red box had nothing else, and even one dollar was to much topay for this movie. The movie begins watching a bunch of samirian'swalking through the woods which they were sentenced to do for life, andmost of them were extremely well dressed for people walking the woodsfor years, some with perfectly clean white shirts. It looked like theyrounded up people at the renaissance fair and asked them to pose for acamera. the soldier's armor was all exactly the same and clean, eventhe weapons for every character were the same as if they orderedeverything whole sale, these characters looked so unrealistic for thetime era they were posing for, the make up on the deformed characterslooked like they were wearing a cheep Halloween mask. the only goodactor was the king but they did not nearly give him enough camera time,one character looked like a yoda wana be, and the only part worth mymoney was seeing the eye candy in the water half naked. Honestly 2million dollars to pay for this movie is a joke, it felt like abudgeted porno film, I was waiting for the tacky music to turn on andthe green midget to rip his robes off and start humping the princess.if you want to waist the plot left a lot to be desired and nothing inthe movie made sense, they showed scenes at points were it should notof been and no one cared about, the one thing that brought me to thismovie was the poster and the title which lead me to believe it was ahigh resolution mythology movie, but really its a bunch of geeks thatmade something maybe only worthy of youtube. I rate this a 1 and if Icould a -10, nothing is worse than this movie, i would go to the pointto sue for my one measly dollar back to help prevent this company frommaking any more movies like this one you have been warned, do not seethis movie!

boffotov 2012-04-16 19:58:38

WOW! Unforgettable is an understatement

To say this was an epic adventure would hardly do it justice(it's only83 minutes long)but I'm sure it took much longer to film it in thebackwoods of Louisiana. Unclouded by action, stunts, effects or evenacting, the plot was childishly simple and it was very easy to tellgood from bad. I don't want to pan the flick, it was what it was -entertaining. Funny, in fact. I think Billy Zane put it best in thethrone room, when he deadpans "man, we're really in the sh*t now". Ifelt like a guest at a convention for SCA fan-films. I especiallyenjoyed the wide vista shots of Promethea - looks like photo-shop fromMom & Dad's vacation in the Appalachians. Kudos to wardrobe - thoseknee-length gray box-knit sweaters you chose as 'ring mail' hauberkslooked both convincing and comfortable. I cannot say as much for thechrome spaghetti pot helmets and very shiny breastplates. Thefaux-suede and leather skirt/bra combos of the princess's escort were avery nice touch, as were the really big unsheathed swords. With abudget of a mere $2M, cutting corners on little stuff like wardrobe andSFX leaves more money for important things, like catering. As the boxcover says 'Their Courage will make them Legends" I'll be talking aboutthis one for quite a while I expect. My vote: Watch it with GOODfriends, you can share the laughs. Besides, it's only $5 bucks, and ifyour friends cover snacks, it's all good.