A South American gunrunner uses an island in Hawaii as his base of operations. A squad of beautiful government agents is sent to put him out of business.
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Dona Speir looks tough and unpleasant, like she's been out in the hot sun way too many years, and of her co-stars only Cynthia Brimhall has any appeal and we don't see enough of her. The Sidaris formula is worn out.
Ruthless arch criminal Juan Degas (nicely played with laid-backassurance by Erik Estrada) uses the Hawaiian Islands as his base ofoperations for smuggling guns from China to Latin America. Severalfederal agents band together to take Degas down. Once againwriter/director Andy Sidaris works his usual entertainingly kitschymagic with his customary winning blend of lovely ladies who bare theirtasty wares with pleasing regularity, an amusingly goofy sense ofself-mocking humor, big splashy explosions, several ineptly stagedaction set pieces, a good amount of bloody violence, a constant snappypace, and gorgeous globe-trotting locations which give this picture animpressively expansive feeling of scope. Of course, the standard bevyof hot babes helps a lot: busty blonde Dona Speir as the feisty DonnaHamilton, yummy brunette Roberta Vasquez as the sultry Nicole Justin,scorching Cynthia Brimhall as foxy singer Edy Stark, ravishing Devin DeVasquez as Juan's sexy, yet lethal moll Cash, and adorable Kym Malin assassy wrestler Kym. Moreover, Phyllis Davis delivers a livelyperformance as Donna's hard-nosed district attorney mother KathrynHamilton, Danny Trejo does well as Juan's smooth henchman Tong, andChuck McCann contributes a funny turn as impish magician Abe. As anadded plus, the divine Ms. Brimhall belts out a couple of cool songs(the titular tune in particular is a real boot) and two bumblingtransvestite hit men supply gut-busting comic relief. Hward Wexler'sslick cinematography gives this movie an attractive bright look.Richard Lyons' bouncy synthesizer score hits the stirring spot. Anenormously fun flick.
Boy...does this director Sidaris like to blow s**t up-but hejustain't good at it. The special effects look like they werestagedin a six year olds sandbox. But you get some sweet eye candy inex-PlayboyBunnies Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez-unfortunately, bothhave no concept to emoting. And, without a doubt, you get(maybe)THE worst line ever uttered in a low-budget actioneer:As bombs (or whatever) are blowing up around poor Dona shegrabssome kind of plastic assault rifle and hollers at her malepartner"Don't just do something...stand there!" and proceeds to shootupthe horizon. How can you not love it?***** stars out of 10-mainly for the luscious Ms. Vasquez.BOING!
GUNS is another installment in the Andy Sidaris magnum opus of "Bullets, Bombs, and Babes." As an overall formula it works well, but not as well as usual in this particular picture, which is a laughless letdown after HARD TICKET TO HAWAII, SAVAGE BEACH and PICASSO TRIGGER. GUNS suffers from a surfeit of gore and not enough camp. Sidaris and Co. seem more interested in showing us blood- spattered shootouts than in showcasing the more than half dozen Playboy Playmates who comprise most of this cast. It's very unlike Sidaris, the master of what's light and breezy, to show us a sheet-shrouded bloody corpse being loaded into an ambulance. Yet, in GUNS he does. It's dark and ugly and it shocks. The GUNS good guys are done in with such disturbing regularity that I began to think of going to casting call for the next film. Never mind the gunshots Andy, bring back the skin shots. Dona Speir reprises her role as Donna Hamilton, the head of a supersecret Federal spy force, L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law). She is partnered with Playmate Roberta Vasquez in this film. Her former partner Taryn Kendall (Playmate Hope Marie Carlton) is nowhere in evidence, and more's the pity, because if none of these women can act, at least Hope Marie had a definite screen presence. Ms. Vasquez is about as emotive as a bag of potatoes. I was bored watching her, which just goes to show that looks aren't everything. This is true especially in regard to the two transvestite assassins (the major comic relief in what should have been a comic picture) who look like Howard Stern in high heels. Ms. Speir too, looks unusually tired, and her performance lacks the spunkiness of her earlier Sidaris films. Of all the female leads, only Playmate Cynthia Brimhall, a statuesque redhead with a pleasant singing voice, and Playmate Devin DeVasquez, who plays the "bad girl" Cash, really catch and hold your attention. The male "bad guy" lead is Jack of Diamonds, a gun smuggling Latin lover, played by CHiPs hunk and former TV star, Erik Estrada. It may have been Sidaris' ability to sign Estrada that undid this film. Estrada's career since CHiPs has largely gone South of the Border, but having someone on the set with a real acting resume forced some of the cast to try to keep up, a fatal mistake in any Sidaris film. Sidaris' charm is due to cheesy dialogue and sexual innuendo mixed with beautiful people and a change-at-will plotline. The beautiful people are there and the plot is properly absent, so the fault must lie in the writing, a largely dialogueless nod to Stallone-inspired minimalism. Without the dialogue however, there are no laughs, and GUNS sinks under the weight of its silicone-enhanced cast faster than the Titanic at tea time. This Special Edition DVD includes two installments of "Film School" in which Andy and Arlene Sidaris give us glimpses into how movies are made (and proves they do know their craft despite the "B" reputation of Andy's films). They provide us with several cast interviews, including one with the endearingly quirky Devin DeVasquez. Portions of Devin's nude videos are also included, and we get to see more of this beautiful woman than is usual in a Sidaris film. As a rule, Sidaris avoids full frontal nudity and explicit sex.Cynthia Brimhall sings in summation that, "GUNS aren't fun, unless it's love, and then I'm the one." That pretty much sums it up.
Only five films into my 'Girls, Guns and G-Strings' Andy Sidaris boxset and I'm already struggling to find new ways of describing what isessentially the same damn movie every time: the same actors; the samecharacters; the same location; the same silly ingredients.Guns replaces Sidaris regular Hope Marie Carlton with the equallygorgeous Roberta Vasquez and introduces a couple of reasonably coolB-movie stars as villains (Erik 'Ponch from CHiPs' Estrada and Danny'Machete' Trejo)Âeverything else is exactly as one would expect: dumbplot; big breasted women in very skimpy outfits; hunks with bad hair;ridiculously large hand weapons; deadly remote control toys; andassorted men in drag (in this case, a pair of trannie assassins).With a fraction more action than usual (there are some nice 'n' bloodysquib shots), Roberta Vasquez getting topless on a motorbike, andsuitably nasty deaths for both Estrada and Trejo, this one is possiblymy favourite of the series so far. Then again, it might not be. It'shard to tell.5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for IMDb.
This is the 5th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, inchronological order. Gangster Degas (Erik Estrada) tries to get a fewagents out of the way so he can ship weapons from China to SouthAmerica via Hawaii. But Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) doesn't give upeasily, because Degas killed her father years ago. So even if pistolsseem good enough for others, Donna prefers a rocket launcher to blastbaddies to pieces. Roberta Vasquez poses with a leather bikini on amotorbike at sunset, while Cynthia Brimhall has a special appearance asa nightclub singer. Chuck McCann gets the best line when heinterrogates two suspects: "What is the difference between a terroristand a magician?" They quickly find out! "Guns" isn't one of the best ofthe series, but it's got its moments.
The fifth Andy Sidaris Molokai bullets 'n babes adventure reallydelivers the big guns as Sidaris hired Erik Estrada to be the villainin this one. Juan Degas (Estrada) hires two hit men to get rid ofNicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez), who just happens to be the new partnerof series regular Donna (Dona Speir). It all revolves around a plot torun guns from China to Central America via Hawaii and a little bit ofpersonal history between Degas and Donna. Man, I was crying about theloss of Hope Marie Carlton in my SAVAGE BEACH (1990) review above, butSidaris kept things flowing and this is one of the best pictures in theseries since MALIBU EXPRESS (1985). He really won me over byintroducing Donna's mother and even flashing back to a random killingfrom HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (1987) in order to give Chuck McCann (as aGovernment agent/magician) some back story. He also played with myemotions by killing off series regular Rocky (Lisa London) early on.Other regulars returning include Bruce Penhall as C.I.A. dude BruceChristian and Cynthia Brimhall as nightclub singer/agent Edy Stark (shebelts out two songs). Also, muscular John Brown plays his thirdseparate character and series heavy Rodrigo Obregon has a cameo as across dressing cop named Large Marge (!). In addition to Estrada, youalso have B-movie vet George Cheung as an arms dealer and futureB-movie legend Danny Trejo as Degas' right hand man. The film's biggestshocker might be that there is absolutely ZERO nudity for the first 27minutes.
plot outline: South American criminal Juan Degas has been using the Hawaiian islands as his base for smuggling weapons from China to Latin American. Tracking their target from Hawaii to Las Vegas, our agents must watch their backs while attempting to take down their prey.
I've sat through some s***. Skateboard Kid 1 and 2. Uncle Sam. Theydidn't even compare to this. Just.. dear lord. If you're a masochist,rentit/watch it at 1:30 a.m. on Cinemax. Horrible dialogue horribly deliveredby horrible actors in horrible sets with horrible specialeffects.
I know the movie is kind of amateur, and the plot was kind of no sense,but hey the hell with the plot!!! and i'm gonna tell you why.Even the plot was not really big deal, at least i think it's funny,never boring, yeah i think it entertains you.But the main reason i like the movie it's this one: girls, you know asan italian American heterosexual guy i'm a real fan of female beauty.In this movie you can see a big variety of beautiful girls: drop deadgorgeous latinas Roberta Vasquez( this one my favorite) and DevinDevasquez, blonde Dona Speir and the redhead big breasted girl( sorry idon't remember her name), i remember in my teenage years in Brooklynhow much i used to enjoy this movie specially the Roberta's part.Anyway to conclude if you are a real female beauty fan and you want eyecandy definitely this movie was made for you.
When I was a wee tot I never cared about superfluous things like plot,characterization or people yakkin' exposition for more than 30 seconds.WhatI wanted to see was the car chases, explosions, high kicks and bikini girlswith machine guns. Happy happy happy, joy joy joy! Of course, one day wehave to grow old and abide to the rules of Society, that forces us tobecome, uh, "sophisticated". We ditch Hollywood blockbusters in public andpretend to like Finnish art movies and David Lynch. But deep down inside,inthe heart of that happy child we once were, we really want to get home intime for the Baywatch rerun. And that, friends and foes, is the spirit ofSidaris' work. I've seen the polls at IMDb and voters aren't fond of Andy'sflims. They're completely missing the point AND the fun.
If you're counting, this is Andy Sidaris film # 5 - but honestly, afterthe great "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", you can skip the rest and move on tothis one. We all know these movies just entertain and you should checkthe brain at the door, but if you can do that, you will enjoy this film(and if you don't mind a little harmless t+a). The music reminds me ofthe A-Team and Hunter TV shows we grew up with - you know, the 80'ssynthesizer music...with all the explosions, it could very well havebeen a Steven J. Cannell production. The inclusion of Roberta Vasquez is a good shot to the system and instarring villain roles you've got Erik Estrada and Danny Trejo. Thatmust have been quite a coup for Sidaris and wife at the time.
I am a huge fan of Andy SidarisHis films are simple and to the point. There are no pretensions. He has abasic formula and even the same groups of actors and Sidaris fans expectnothing less. He always has large breasted women, mucho explosions (whetherthey make sense or not), big guns and former TV actors (this one has ErikEstrada).The basic plot involves a groups of female agents who also run a planechartering company in Hawaii. They have to hunt down a gun runner who hasordred hits on a few people and leaves a Jack Of Diamonds as his callingcard (hence the character's name Jack Of Diamonds).They fly to Vegas and also see action in Lake Havasu. A large part of theVegas scenes were filmed at the just opened (as of filming) RioHotel.SEMI-SPOILERS:I enjoyed the scene of the bazooka shooting in the showroom with no oneelsein the hotel hearing itThe scenes of them running into a Las Vegas hotel with a sh*tload ofgunsCynthia Brimhall singing offkey again (she sings in just about everySidarisfilm and always justa bit off key)the transvestite hitmenSo, even though this isn't the best Sidaris, it's still excellent for thoseseeking mindless explosions, motorcycle chases, nudity and transvestitehitmen.
I'm trying to think of who this movie would appeal to....Nope, can't think of anyone.The plot was trite, the storyline, acting and directing were all quiteamateurish, and the action/violence were both a little over the top.Sprinkled into all of this were a few bouts of nudity, but the eye candywasdefinitely not of either the quality or quantity to make up for all itsdeficiencies.
"Guns" is a strange movie: its sensibilities seem to be both sexist ANDfeminist. On the one hand, almost all the women have to undress at onepoint or another, usually gratuitously; on the other hand, thegirls-with-guns sequences are played without condescension, the femaleagents are treated as equal partners by the men and, more often thannot, THEY take charge. The action is not particularly well-done; infact the whole film plays as if it was directed by a teenage boy tryingto make a "real" movie. But how can you hate a film that containsfemale oil wrestling, an interrogation done with the help of a magichat, a grenade on a remote-controlled model boat AND the incomparableDanny Trejo as the villain's No.1 henchman? (**1/2)
Not every script is perfect. Even those films labeled "the greatest" may have one or two errors or small problems that are otherwise ignorable. But this film - this film is something different. The dialogue is so bad it made Ed Wood look like David Mamet. The characters are all flat and ridiculous, with acting virtually nonexistant. To top it all off, there are plotholes in this thing you can drive an 18 wheeler through. I loved the part where they claimed that there were no fingerprints at the crime scene even though the assassin left a playing card that she touched with her bare hands.I think I was supposed to be aroused by this film. I was laughing at it more. One of the main female cops has a mother who's a DA, but her mother looks younger than she does. This didn't help that the daughter was thrown around the screen in scantily clad clothing - sorry, but wrinkly breasts don't do it for me. And did I mention the dialogue in this thing is terrible?"Why don't you settle down, have some babies or something?""I guess some people just aren't cut out for that sort of thing.""Yeah, I guess not."...uh...what?"I want this area sealed off, we got some new developments.""Where are Donna and Shane?""We got some new developments too."Remind me why Hollywood is a competitive market again?Do not watch. Really. Some of you nerds out there might be thinking this will be a fun film to watch to fill that empty shell where a socially progressive person is supposed to be, but be warned that is only if you get aroused by your college friend's mother.
You know anyone who doesnt like something takes the time to write a bad review but the other tens of thousands of people who watched this and liked it or thought it was ok did not- So i wanted to say , its an entertaining film , ignore the bad reviews , not the best but ok - worth watching and owning for this genre